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Monday, November 30, 2009

More Insomnia

Yeah well, so I managed to sleep for 2 hours and then got up n slept for two more hours. Guess, I can survive on that for now...better than no sleep at all...work has taken a backseat lately...I remember the days when I would spend 26 hours at work... now I refuse to put in more than what they are paying me for...my priorities have changed, I guess...My guide keeps telling me to apply for a post as a lecturer in a central university and keeps telling me about the benefits of doing so...I think I'll give myself at least another year to decide...debating whether or not to quit alcohol for some time, so that I can face reality and deal with issues as opposed to turning a blind eye... maybe I should just cut down... drink but not get drunk... think that suits me fine...I'm definitely going to start focusing on music come new year...work on my rotting guitar skills, and brush up my vocals... finish up those pending songs n go perform again...am getting more n more inclined towards playing soft, acoustic numbers though...there was a time when music seemed like the perfect outlet for things that couldn't be said...and then something snapped and all the music went out of me, except for the occasional spurts of interest...I feel that this might soon change...I'm glad I've started writing again, coz then the things inside don't choke you anymore... they're out on the sheet... funny how these small pixels of different shapes convey ideas and expressions so efficiently, and yet I sometimes feel that there is so much that is left out, that one can only imagine, and there is yet so much more that can't even be imagined or fathomed...things of whose existence you only have a sense of...a vague premonition...then there are those things that you are so sure of, and yet doubt it every second minute, coz you've been sure before, and yet it slipped out of your hand like sand...my stand depends on how sure I am, and the only problem is that I'm not really sure of how much things will change or not change over time...the rest is still unwritten...