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Monday, November 30, 2009

Insomnia

What the hell... I haven't written in a long time, and thought that since i can't sleep anyway, might as well pen a few thoughts down.... or key them in rather...The past few months have been quite turbulent... twists and turns one after the other... reminds me of the first time I played a car racing video game...don't know where life will lead... a lot of pending decisions to be made... a lot of decisions made to be appended (whatever that means... just sounded good lol)...life seems to be at a crossroads where it is clearly asking me to stop, take a look at the 25 odd years gone by, and choose my path for the next however many years I have left...no, I'm not growing older...but there is a certain change...Gone far away seem the days of the huge crushes and sleepless nights spent over women I never said "hi" to... far away seem those two relationships that went bad... coz I wasn't mature enough... or not stable enough... coz change was constant... and it took a turn somewhere and I couldn't keep up...gone also are the intermediate 'random' flings...Right now I just feel like I'm walking on the wrong side of the road on a highway in the middle of the night, with cars, trucks and the likes zooming past me... just about missing me... and yet, it's a lot of fun.. the thrill, the uncertainty...and it's funny how little time it takes for an opinion to change...it is but circumstantial and experiential...thoughts and beliefs held for a lifetime slowly melt away like the glaciers in a warmer globe...but why... why now?...when everything is so fluid, so fleeting?...why this confusion? why this drama?and what now if.....? One thing I've figured out, though, is that the world goes on, and so does life, no matter what happens...so dreadful as certain things may seem, I know that they too shall pass...I know that the next three years of my time will be crucial and decisive in making me whoever i become...need to take my decisions carefully...but then sometimes I think I should just take one step at a time...I haven't written in a long time, and this feels good...I'm going to try and catch some sleep now...let's hope I do...