A Hermit on the Dance Floor: More Insomnia

Monday, November 30, 2009

More Insomnia

Yeah well, so I managed to sleep for 2 hours and then got up n slept for two more hours. Guess, I can survive on that for now...better than no sleep at all...work has taken a backseat lately...I remember the days when I would spend 26 hours at work... now I refuse to put in more than what they are paying me for...my priorities have changed, I guess...My guide keeps telling me to apply for a post as a lecturer in a central university and keeps telling me about the benefits of doing so...I think I'll give myself at least another year to decide...debating whether or not to quit alcohol for some time, so that I can face reality and deal with issues as opposed to turning a blind eye... maybe I should just cut down... drink but not get drunk... think that suits me fine...I'm definitely going to start focusing on music come new year...work on my rotting guitar skills, and brush up my vocals... finish up those pending songs n go perform again...am getting more n more inclined towards playing soft, acoustic numbers though...there was a time when music seemed like the perfect outlet for things that couldn't be said...and then something snapped and all the music went out of me, except for the occasional spurts of interest...I feel that this might soon change...I'm glad I've started writing again, coz then the things inside don't choke you anymore... they're out on the sheet... funny how these small pixels of different shapes convey ideas and expressions so efficiently, and yet I sometimes feel that there is so much that is left out, that one can only imagine, and there is yet so much more that can't even be imagined or fathomed...things of whose existence you only have a sense of...a vague premonition...then there are those things that you are so sure of, and yet doubt it every second minute, coz you've been sure before, and yet it slipped out of your hand like sand...my stand depends on how sure I am, and the only problem is that I'm not really sure of how much things will change or not change over time...the rest is still unwritten...

1 comment:

aditiNovember 30, 2009 at 9:31 PM
Writing and music both serve as an outlet ash but what about the things we dont blog about coz they are our inner most thoughts and we dont want to share them with the world for the fear of revealing too much or coz that people wont get it.i'd say quit the alcohol and deal with the shit.Love Adi
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My quotes

the minute you start finding yourself, everything else starts finding its place...

A good workout is the best tailor.

I held poetry by it's tail and shook it thrice;

then it turned around and swallowed me whole.

Identity is the biggest problem. If there were no identity, there would be no conflict.

More money does not get you more friends; it only gets you more expensive friends.

Don't ask life for the right situations; ask instead for the right attitude and the right people to get you through.

“There is a loneliness that can be rocked. Arms crossed, knees drawn up, holding, holding on, this motion, unlike a ship's, smooths and contains the rocker. It's an inside kind--wrapped tight like skin. Then there is the loneliness that roams. No rocking can hold it down. It is alive. On its own. A dry and spreading thing that makes the sound of one's own feet going seem to come from a far-off place.” - Toni Morrison

This is another great difference between our civilization and yours. You admire the man who pushes his way to the top in any walk of life, while we admire the man who abandons his ego.

If a monkey were to be brought up by a pride of lions, he would grow up with a huge inferiority complex, funny-looking, unable to roar, the weakest guy by far in the pride, and if he never tries to climb a tree coz he thinks he's a lion, his life's going to be such a drag!; But imagine what will happen when little this monkey tries to climb his tree, nervous and skeptical at first, realising gradually that he loves this feeling and is even good at it, eventually leaving the lions far below and swinging away from branch to branch, tree to tree, where the whole jungle's his playfield, and he can now enjoy his true calling. I know we'd all like to think we're lions, for that is the cool thing to be, but for those of us who aren't, would we rather spend our lives being terrible lions, or would we want to find that monkey in us instead? (P.S. If you discover that you're not a monkey, or not a good monkey, the pride of lion's will always be there for you.)

A Hermit on the Dance Floor

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Monday, November 30, 2009

More Insomnia

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